she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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