Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
