i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
