This is not my ceiling
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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