Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
