i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
