Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
