How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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