Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize