Christians are straight up FREAKS
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
