The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
