3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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