Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My ass is underappreciated
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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