so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
