i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
