Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize