Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
