found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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