Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
