You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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