6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
