I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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