they need to just BURY HIM!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
