How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
