i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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