you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
