don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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