remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
