just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
