the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
