i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
