She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
