Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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