You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
pray to the hookup gods
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
