who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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