I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
