gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
