Sry I called you an 8
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
