Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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