you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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