I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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