She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
