I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
