big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
