The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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