The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
