Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
