On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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