Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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