.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize