that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
