dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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