i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
