i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
