I could make wine with my vomit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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