I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
