If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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