Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
