she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
