Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
