I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
