wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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