I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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