i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
