I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
