this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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