Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
