hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
