just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
