stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
