if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
