I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
