You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
