Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
